Honor: 54 [ Give / Take ]
17 entries this month
Everquest 2
06:17 Jul 31 2007
Times Read: 921
Brett and I bought Everquest 2 and the account subscription with it last night. We started playing today. I think we are both getting addicted. It's surprising as hell though, there are people selling their characters on Craigs List and Ebay for money and lots of it!
It makes me want to start getting accounts just to sell them with the characters. *starts thinking* What is so wrong with that?
Lies
09:44 Jul 29 2007
Times Read: 922
I can honestly say, I no longer feel guilty or regret making Brett face a situation and telling him that it was me or him. The more time passes, the more of the lies about Nagey's life that are coming to light. He had been lying to us from the very beginning which really has to make us think. So whether he is involved in the whole money missing thing or not, he is not allowed in our apartment ever again. The lies just make us feel we can't trust him at all again. I don't feel bad about that either, for the simple fact that he is the one that implied or began them. He could have came clean and we would have helped him out. Oh, and what exactly was the trouble he was in that he couldn't face? It is only a $400 backed child support charge and that's it!
So instead of telling us the real trouble he was in and letting us help, he lied. He told Brett that he was facing over $3,000 in fines and possible jail time. LOL! Gotta love the difference in the truth and his lies!
But knowing we would have paid the $400 and just probably asked for half of it back, he lied and lived off of his friends for almost eight freakin' months! Think of all the money we could have saved from not buying food for him, cigarettes for him, and hell, the bus fair for him! He wanted to live off of us and continue the lies. It seems like he was planning to for as long as he could and it just blew up in his face when I did tell Brett that it was me or him. I know Brett is still kind of upset with me for ever saying that. But, he knows and can even see why I did. I get paranoid but there is always a reason for that paranoia!
And on the money situation, there were three more overdraft charges that went through because of their little charge! That's a total of six overdrafts, at $35 each, which come to $210! So they didn't really fuck us over of $325.50 for bus tickets... oh no! They fucked us out of $535.50! But we have given up on getting the information from Greyhound ourselves, we are letting the bank take care of it. And we are going to the Dell branch bank on Monday and trying to explain them the situation so we can at least get the overdrafts taken off while waiting for the whole other mess to be sorted out.
Oh and we got approved for the other apartment! Yay! We will be moving at the beginning of August. Oh how I am so looking forward to moving yet again! But we already decided that no one is getting the phone number or address, except family and like three trusted friends. We are tired of this crap! The only bad thing about the apartment we are getting is it is a little bit further from Dell then this one. It's still within 20 minutes of it though, which is reasonable and good! The other thing that makes me uneasy is my name is actually on the lease this time and I bare just as much of the responsibility as Brett does on paying rent and everything. I know he won't fuck me over though so I am not really worried about it.
The only other thing that has been going on is Brett and I applied for a loan and got approved for that too! We are using the money to get ahead a little where the money was taken, where my car was fixed, and where we are getting another apartment. We should get it between Monday to Wednesday. So at least we won't be completely backed into a corner on the money situation. We made sure of it. Especially since we are hoping to move in to the other apartment on the 5th and we needed some extra money to get some help in moving our bigger things. *smiles* Anthony is going to help us. I can't believe with all this bullshit that is going on because of Nagey, that he is still helping us and still thinks of us as family, as we do with him. I always think the worse of people and sadly, I was expecting this to end most of our friendship with him.
Betrayal
23:46 Jul 26 2007
Times Read: 925
Well, I can honestly say I no longer feel guilty in any way about how things turned out. I am pissed as hell and stressed out again.
Midas called to let us know my car was ready. We went to Kroger's to deposit the money in the bank account so we could go get my car. We found out from the bank that our account was going to be in the negative. There was a purchase made from Greyhound bus station. It was made on the 24th, which was Tuesday, the day Nagey left. We looked it up online how much it would cost for three bus tickets from here to where Nagey said they were going... and what do you know? It's the same damn amount that was charged!
I am going to go and try to relax and read some. I also need to get a hold of my mom to let her know what is going on. *sighs* This is going to be one of those hardest phone calls of my life. The money her and Uncle Bill loaned us is saving our asses! Thank god Brett gets paid tomorrow and we will be able to get my car then!
Might be Adding to my Profile22:24 Jul 26 2007
Times Read: 929
I wonder if this looks alright? I wonder if you can seriously tell how much I am showing and everything. LOL!
Writing Some More
06:49 Jul 26 2007
Times Read: 930
I recently got a SuicideGirls account and I love it! I love the fact that it is like a themed art and not trashy like so many other websites. *blushes* It's actually giving me some picture ideas I want to do when I am not pregnant anymore. I want to get down to 160 pounds, which I have been wanting for more then a year now. I was almost to the weight when I became pregnant. I feel like I am getting fat as hell right now. I seriously don't think Brett knows how much that is bothering me. I was down to being 180-175 pounds. I was amazed and proud of myself! I wasn't starving myself and was eating healthy. I became pregnant and the last time I got on a scale, I weighed 189 pounds. I probably weigh more now, I'm damn sure of it. I will lose the weight again, though! I am planning on getting down to 180 pounds within the first year after the baby is born and then 160 the six months after that. It's doable. It's practical. It doesn't involve starving myself or anything like that. I can do it and I know I can!
This is my first night alone in this apartment since Nagey left. Brett stayed home from work last night because of a really migraine.
I feel really bad, worse then before Brett left for work. I feel better since it is all over and Nagey is out. No more excuses to deal with. No more freeloading. I feel like something negative has left the apartment. I actually feel safe for once here, which is strange. I am still paranoid off and on. I think that is expected, especially since I am left alone here now.
Brett's coming home for his lunch break, with Rob, I am getting off and start cleaning.
PRIVATE ENTRY
23:58 Jul 25 2007
Times Read: 931
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
12:36 Jul 23 2007
Times Read: 933
The night is complete and isn't it such a damn surprise... he failed! It's getting daylight outside. And one of my only requests was that he would be home before daylight. Wow! I knew it was going to happen.
The good news is I feel a little bit better although I seriously need to start eating better. I also need to get away from the damn smell of cigarettes, especially since that smell is causing my stomach to produce more acid and making me feel like I am going to puke. I wonder if Brett knows this already or if I am going to have to freakin' tell him bluntly? No matter what he does, he is going to smell like cigarettes for the next months as he is smoking again. I wonder how much physical I will literally place between us because of the smell. I can't get a bleeding ulcer right now, not while I am pregnant. I can't even take my stomach medicine, which is horrible for me. I can take liquid anti-acid, when I can manage to keep the nasty stuff down. I actually had to take a dose before going to bed. Big surprise that I puked it up about 15 minutes after I took it.
Last night before he left, it got so bad I told him not to touch me because he smelled so much like smoke. I also had to scrub my hands since they smelled from where I was just touching him yesterday evening. I'm sorry but I think that is kind of sad, considering I have been staying away from him for the most part when he smokes. I hate this, never again will I let him go back to smoking after this time. I don't care if we are fighting or on the verge of breaking up again or not. I can't deal with this. I would have actually rather broken up with him then deal with the intense smell of cigarettes again. That's terrible!
We were working on our relationship and actually talking and communicating. But lately, meaning the past couple of days, that has been slipping again and we have been avoiding it... whether we are meaning to or not, I have no clue. We still talk more when he is at work and there are two computer screens between us. We need to really work on that because I don't see the point in us staying together when we can't even talk to each other and sort out our problems face to face. I've told him this time and time again and still nothing changes. The same lousy attempts are made to try to save our relationship and then it is all put on the back burner again. And that's what I see happening. Like I said there is really no sense in us even trying to save our relationship if we can't change our mind sets, especially considering we are both sort of thinking it might be easier to break up and end it.
I am still upset from Saturday evening. I was trying to wake him up at the time he told me too and while fighting him to get him out of bed, he asked me why I wasn't back in Ohio yet. I don't care that we have been talking about me going home or not since last Sunday. It hurt, badly! I know, well hope, he didn't mean it but sometimes I do have to wonder about whether he did or not. I actually can't wait to get out of this apartment. This place contains way too much negativity and I just want away from it.
I will hopefully finish this later, he just now got home.
Bunny Fun
05:35 Jul 23 2007
Times Read: 935
Personal Note to Self:
Tiffy really needs to start taking baths instead of showers... although she can no longer get out of a bath tub without the help of Brett Brett.
Or she needs to figure out some other way she is comfortable masturbating.
My back feels like it is on fire though where the curvature on my back is and my hips hurt like hell.
But...
I do feel better, a lot better.
:-)
Masturbation is the best stress release ever! Now for some more Turtle pie!
Tired of This Shit!
04:54 Jul 23 2007
Times Read: 936
I am tired of feeling like shit, day after day. I hate this. Yet again, I am left here by myself. I didn't even get so much as a goodbye before he left with Nagey to go play D&D. It's sad and pathetic how much I am seriously resenting the game because of him and that I am starting to become jealous of it. I know I am so freakin' sad and horribly tragic right now. At least I admit it for now... whether I will admit it in the morning or not, I don't know.
I am pissed at Brett for making me feel like I was invisible all day long for the most part. I did get to watch one movie with him this morning, sort of. It got paused right in the middle for an hour or more. Not my idea of spending time together watching a movie but it is better then last Sunday, a lot better. I still had to fight him to get him to stay awake tonight so he could even go to play at Rob's. Maybe I should have let him sleep because then I wouldn't have been able to get him up. *shrugs* I seriously shouldn't be thinking like that but oh well is all I can say anymore.
I swear, if I wanted to feel like I was invisible, I would have stayed in Ohio where I cut off contact from most people for days at a time and just laid in bed all day with my Nala Cat. At least Nala showed me a lot more acknowledgment then Brett has within the past few days.
I guess tonight is more of a test then anything, I wonder if he realizes that or gets the hint of it. I even told him that it was but yet again, I was ignored that time and just didn't bother to repeat myself. So we will see what time he actually gets home... he already fucked up on the leaving part.
Tonight
20:30 Jul 22 2007
Times Read: 938
Tonight Brett and Nagey are probably going to play D&D at Rob's place. I will be here yet again all by myself. Strange thing is I am actually kind of glad for it this time. I plan on taking some personal time tonight. *smiles* I want to write, more like I want to force myself to write. But I want to pig out on food with no one watching, take a nice long shower, have a little personal "fun time," and just some time for me. I think that is a good idea, a really good one when it comes down to it. Maybe it will help me some with my depression and getting on myself about things so much. I know that if I am serious about this then I am in for an emotional time after they go and for some odd reason, I can't wait and yet, I want to avoid it like crazy. I am hoping this will be a time for some things to take a turn for the better within my mind sets and thought patterns.
Kitty Kitty
13:05 Jul 22 2007
Times Read: 939
I think I created Elizabeth into the perfect little lap kitty for me.
She doesn't seem to like males too much, as in human males.
And my poor Brett Brett seems to be jealous of the kitty preferring me over him or Nagey.
Only problem is that already the kitty known as Lizzy is expecting food whenever I am eating or fixing something.
We need to fix that one big time before it gets like my Nala Cat in Ohio. *smiles* I miss my Nala. I still feel bad about bringing a kitten to TN with me when I should have brought her if any cat.
I can't wait to hug my Nala Cat after the baby is born and I can go back to Ohio to visit.
Decision
12:21 Jul 21 2007
Times Read: 940
I just decided something this morning...
If I am so sure that everything is my fault, everything negative that is... then why leave it be that way? Why not do something to change it? Why waste all my energy blaming myself and putting myself down?
That's exactly what it is anymore, a waste of time.
Gross as Hell!
20:14 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 941
Maggots and Tiffy DO NOT mix!!!!
Smoking...
02:55 Jul 18 2007
Times Read: 944
Brett started smoking yesterday evening. He has been smoking for a little over 24 hours and already he is falling into the old routines and the old habits with the cigarettes.
I hate him going back to them, I really do. But I am not going to stop him. He is allowed one carton every payday, which is every two weeks. He is allowed to smoke for two and a half months and then he has to quit within the last two weeks.
I won't lie, I am starting to rethink my decision because I see him going back to relaying on the nicotine to calm down, to deal with any kind of irritation, and just because he looks for any reason to smoke. I seriously already believe I am going to regret this, big time when the time for him to quit comes. I'm just hoping I don't regret it before the time comes for him to quit... or that I don't have to deal with his withdraw symptoms, considering it will almost be time for the baby to be born.
Just Here
21:34 Jul 13 2007
Times Read: 945
Right now, I feel ignorant. I don't really know how to explain it but I truly do.
My car has broken down because it isn't getting enough gas so Brett and I need to get first a tune-up on it. And if that doesn't work, the fuel filter, the fuel pump, the O2 sensors, and then have them look at the computer and software (the timing). I'm kind of tempted to tell Brett that if my car goes to a garage, I want it to go to the dealer's. My reasoning is they would know more about my car, have the parts on hand, be able to find out what's wrong sooner, and hopefully get it fixed sooner. The bad thing, they would charge a lot more! But the good news is Brett's friend, Rob, looked at my car and showed me how to flood it with gas so I can get somewhere, if needed.
Another thing is I am working with GregoryVonJames on his profile. He wants something so over-the-top that it has never been done before on Vampire Rave. He is willing to pay the person who does it $50 for their work. I have gotten the programs I need to pull it off. I have been working at how to do it for two days now and I am missing something. Even when I do tutorials with the programs, I can't complete them successfully. It makes me feel like I am so freakin' ignorant and I have no right to waste his time. I know I can do this. I have downloaded a full tutorial with lessons for the one program and I plan on getting through all of them tonight... and that means successfully.
I was set to message him today and tell him to find someone else. That was early this morning. I woke up with a somewhat new outlook. And then when signing onto Vampire Rave, I found out that he will be inactive on VR starting tomorrow and lasting until next Sunday. That makes me feel even better. It gives me time to learn the programs and get some of the project completed, if not fully finished. Wow, I never thought I would be happy for someone going inactive on VR for a little bit.
Maybe I was meant to do this project after all!
:-)
PRIVATE ENTRY
20:20 Jul 09 2007
Times Read: 953
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Grrrrrrrness!
06:19 Jul 04 2007
Times Read: 956
Right now, I am frustrated beyond belief. I want to cuddle with Brett... he's hot from the weather and I can understand that.
But...
I was just left crying and cuddling with his blanket that I brought back with me from Ohio.
Hmm, feels like I am back home in Ohio, instead of in Nashville with my love.
Other then that...
my legs are cramping, I can't get comfortable, my right hip is locking, we called the fire department on kids setting off fireworks, my back is killing me, and I have heartburn right now, badly.
Yay for me, right?!?
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